TULOS

TULOS, i.e. THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF SEQUELS

HALDUN ARMAGAN

A magnificent comeback from the “Invincible Man,” the papers reported. Although we all wished him happy retirement after seeing five “Rocky” movies, Sylvester Stallone obviously had a stellar comeback in mind. Yes, there will be a "Rocky" movie (for the 6th time) to prove Sylvester's long-forgotten existence. As if this weren't enough, we started watching Sharon Stone touring around the world to promote her new movie, “Basic Instinct 2,” some 15 years after the original. You might call it artistic ambition, while I call it sheer greed. The number of sequels to original movies seems to be a never-ending nightmare. What's really happening to Hollywood actors I wonder? Isn't there a pension system in L.A., or is there a special clinic injecting ego-boosting hormones to some actors and directors? Will common sense ever prevail in Hollywood to realize so that every sequel destroys the original and turns everything to a commercial market for boosted egos?

This season alone we’re about to see almost 20 Hollywood sequels, some for the second time, some for the fourth. “Basic Instinct 2” opens nationwide at the end of this month. And be ready for others like “Bambi-2,” “Ice Age 2,” “Goal-2,” “Garfield 2,” “Pirates of the Caribbean 2,” and “Sin City 2.”

The fun does not end there because third installments are on the way to a theatre near you, with “The Fast and the Furious 3,” “Spider Man 3,” “Shrek 3,” “X-Man III,” “Final Destination 3,” and “Mission Impossible:III.”

Feel tired? Don't even think of it before seeing fourth installments which actually is my favorite (!) category. “Scary Movie 4,” “Indiana Jones 4,” “Die Hard 4” and “Jurassic Park 4.”

Let's take a moment and focus on the fourth-time around efforts. I really want to know more about the psychology behind the urge to making a sequel to a modern classic like "Indiana Jones" and "Jurassic Park." Can we start a pension fund for Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford and certainly for Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone so that they give up and live only in our good memories with their classics. If you think I am over-reacting, please consider your judgment twice and let me give you a hint: Sharon Stone claims beauty and skill for even more indecent-toned “Basic Instinct 3” sometime after the second one. If Mr. “Rocky Bilbao” takes Ms. “Catherina Tramell” as a role model, we might end up seeing "Rocky 15" or something like that as a final and lethal blow to all cinematic criteria.

Given the hard and crude competition, I can hardly blame the Hollywood executives who basically think nothing but making money. What’s more difficult to understand is how come the prominent Hollywood leads seem so ready to sell their souls. I don't even want to think that Harrison Ford or Bruce Willis, for instance, aren’t capable of realizing the obvious threat to their esteem and charisma when they play “Indiana Jones” or “Die Hard” for the fourth time.

There’s no good news from the executives’ desk either. Hollywood is suffering from a dramatic decline in box office revenues. Last year box office receipts saw a 6 percent fall from the previous year, a $9 billion loss. Big-budget thrillers or remakes, as well as sequels, do not make business any more. The only exception to this trend are movies with fanatical followers such as "Star Wars" and "Harry Potter" which obviously did not help to fill the deficit in the end. I don't think that those second, third, fourth and fifth timers ever make a positive contribution to the morale of Hollywood executives. As history repeats itself, Hollywood keeps repeating its mistakes and it seems there’s still a long way to go before the mistake is realized.

March 24, 2006 The New Anatolian daily